Tanking: A Praiseworthy Strategy in the NBA

I’d like to tip this off with a story.

Caron Butler was addicted to Mountain Dew, and drank at least a 6-pack every waking day. Sometimes he would wake up in the middle of the night, pop a top, down a Dew and go back to sleep. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I generally just pee or drink a glass of water – the absolute last thing anyone wants or needs is to down a can of carbonated sugar-water. Anyways, he claimed that it was an addiction that he could not control.

However, one day, Caron mustered up the strength to go cold turkey on “Doing the Dew.” Predictably, he lost 11 pounds, and drastically improved his overall health and conditioning. Despite his love for the chemical-infused, artificial beverage with a disconcerting amount of Yellow 5 (the rumors about Yellow 5 were actually mythical), he knew that giving it up would benefit his future.

Where is this going? Well, some NBA GMs have a similarly unhealthy addiction – the addiction to mediocrity. If a franchise continually makes the playoffs as a 7 or 8 seed, the GM may keep his job; however, that shouldn’t be the overall objective. Bryan Colangelo arguably set the Raptors franchise back another 5 years by trading for Rudy Gay. The trade made them better – no doubt – but no better than a 7 or 8 seed, and certainly not a legitimate contender. Luckily for Raptors fans – all 13 of them – the board realized this, and fired him soon after.

In reality,  a GM should want to be known for architecting the perfect roster that contends for a title year after year. When the stars age, the youth takes over. When the team needs a big man coming off the bench to help them in the playoffs, he orchestrates the perfect trade at the deadline. He passes on Michael Beasley to take Derrick Rose. These are examples of what an NBA GM should strive for – because in the NBA, mediocrity is actually rock bottom.

As the upcoming NBA Draft is so rich with talent, the 2013-14 season is a great one to be really bad, but a horrible one to be average. Ultimately, the only way to transcend continual mediocrity as an NBA franchise is to exercise some patience, bottom out, and find a franchise-changing talent through the draft.

NBADraft.net Top-7 prospects for the 2014 NBA Draft:

1. Andrew Wiggins (Kansas), 2. Jabari Parker (Duke), 3. Marcus Smart (Okla St), 4. Julius Randle (Kentucky), 5. Wayne Selden (Kansas), 6. Willie Cauley-Stein (Kentucky), 7. Joel Embid (Kansas)

There are five Tankers that are sacrificing success over the next 82 games for one of these franchise-saving, ticket selling phenomenons. They choose to sacrifice because they see the bigger picture – to prove that there is a method to the Tanking Madness. But as some teams are better Tankers than others, I decided to rank the Top-5 Tankers of 2013-14.

5th Best Tanker – Milwaukee Bucks – Projected Record: 26-56

NCAA BASKETBALL: FEB 20 North Carolina at Boston College

Milwaukee is never going to land a big-time free-agent because Milwaukee looks like this, and not like this, or like this. Realistically, tanking the 2013-14 season is the only option left for this limbo-ridden franchise.

Allowing Monta Ellis and J.J. Redick to skip town, signing O.J. Mayo, and then executing The ‘Brandon Swap,’ trading Jennings for Knight, puts the Bucks in the running for a top lottery pick next summer with the opportunity for bright future soon thereafter.

All this said, the Bucks have some nice parts to their unfinished puzzle.

John Henson played his painfully thin body off in the Summer League, averaging 14.7 points and 13.7 rebounds per game, O.J. Mayo has the tools to be a dynamic 20 point scorer, Brandon Knight will have a chance to grow as an NBA point guard, and Ersan Ilyasova and Larry Sanders will both be double-double threats every night.

Jesus, this team isn’t too bad… Well, except when you consider that the Eastern Conference will most-likely have 5, 50-win teams for the first time in this millennium. I also think there’s no doubt that this team finishes behind the Celtics and Bobcats unlike ESPN’s Predictions.

I almost forgot – they also signed the ‘Pizza Guy,’ Zaza Pachulia. I know, I know. Bad Joke.

4th Best Tanker – Utah Jazz – Projected Record: 22-60

Trey Burke

When I think about this Jazz team I can think of only questions. Unfortunately, I have no answers. Here are my questions:

Will Trey Burke struggle like he did in the Orlando Summer League (likely), or will he contend for Rookie of the Year (less likely)?

Will either former number 3 overall pick, Enes Kanter (2010) and Derrick Favors (2011), ever improve and live up to his potential?

What happened to Andris Biedrins after the 08-09 season when he averaged 12 points and 11 rebounds per game?

How pumped was Burke when Raul Neto announced that he’d be playing in Spain again – so he didn’t have to worry about possibly being the second-best rookie point guard on his own team?

Can Gordon Hayward and Alec Burks generate enough offense to be considered an adequate NBA scoring tandem?

Is there such thing as fun nightlife in Salt Lake City?

SOMEBODY GIVE ME ANSWERS! In all seriousness, the Jazz could be slightly better than a 22-win team, but I doubt they make it to 30.

3rd Best Tanker – Phoenix Suns – Projected Record: 20-62


The Polish Hammer, Marcin Gortat, recently returned to the US from his native, Poland, to find out what’s actually wrong with his foot because apparently Poland doesn’t have adequate doctors. As he’s been trade-bait for a while now, I’m guessing that many NBA teams are taking an interest in Gortat’s foot.

For the Suns, getting rid of Gortat for a few draft picks or young players would help them bottom out. It’ll also allow for the young nucleus of the Morris Twins and Alex Len to develop to eventually take over the paint in Phoenix.

(Phoenix also just traded Luis Scola to get Plumlee, Gerald Green and Indiana’s first rounder.)

Eric Bledsoe and Goran Dragic will be a cute little backcourt – as in really small – and depending on the play of Archie Goodwin, the Suns may ship Dragic out-of-town as well. The youth movement in Phoenix is officially a work in-progress!

2nd Best Tanker – Orlando Magic – Projected Record: 18-64


No need to smile, Glen, you’re going to lose a lot of games this season.

Overall, this roster is just weird. It’s heavy with tweeners, light on players that can create offense, short in height… and in talent. With Glen DavisArron Afflalo and Tobias Harris taking 15 shots per game, I just don’t see the Magic getting to 20 wins this season – there are about 28 better ‘big-threes’ in the NBA…

That being said, I recently watched some Tobias Harris single-game highlights and noticed 2 things: first, Marquis Daniels didn’t box him out once which definitely inflated his 30 and 19, and second, Harris has improved a lot. He should put up some decent numbers this season – I’d say 15 and 7 is a good guess for where he’ll be.

Regardless of any positive comments I’ve made about Orlando, the Magic will be crossing their fingers on lottery night in 2014, with good odds in the Wiggins Sweepstakes.

Also notable – Victor Oladipo is 9/2 to win ROTY which might be the only thing besides the lottery that the Magic will win this year. ZING.

Best Tanker – Philadelphia 76ers – Projected Record: 14-68


DING! DING! DING! We have a winner! Hats off to the 76ers!

Here’s how they did it:

They let Andrew Bynum and his bad knees/contract go to Cleveland, traded Jrue Holiday for the (at one point) consensus number 1 pick, Nerlens Noel, and the Pelican’s 2014 1st round pick, they decreased their payroll by a lot, and are now toying with the idea of sitting Noel for a majority of the season.

Brilliant on all accounts – the Sixers have perfected the art of tanking!

Additionally, the future looks bright for the 76ers. Michael Carter-Williams won’t have much competition at PG, and should naturally progress throughout the season. Evan Turner will get a lot of shots as he looks to take his game to the next level. And who knows? Royce White may surprise the world, and actually play an NBA game this season. I can’t wait to hear his first interview as an actual NBA player with anxiety disorder – his interview/article with Chuck Klosterman was absolute dynamite.

All in all, the Sixers should end up with a lot of the ping-pong balls on lottery night.

Here’s a tank.